The Lord of the Rings Mary Sue Rebellion
by morchaint
Summary: Legolas wants a divorce, Thranduil and Aragorn want their kingdoms back, Elrond wants his honor restored, and the list goes on...What's happening? the Mary-Sue Rebellion. Part 2- Gil-galad, Cirdan, Erestor, Glorfindel, Bilbo
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Tolkien owns and I'm not making any profit off of this  
  
Mary-Sue belongs to the Mary-Sue writers,  
  
Author's Note: Mary-Sue is evil, enough said. I might have abused Tolkien's characters a bit, please forgive me.  
  
This fic might have some similarities to "Mary-Sue's Ugly Divorce" by The Evil Old Woman.  
  
My first attempt at parody, I'm not sure if it's humorous or not, you be the judge. This was also done out of frustration because of all the Mary- Sues in the LOTR section. I don't think there would be a court session for this. Sorry if there were any mistakes made.  
  
Have tried to stick to Canon as close as possible.  
  
  
  
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Prologue  
  
  
  
It was a normal day outside Middle-earth intergalactic court. Today judgment would be passed, for today was the day that would determine whether Mary-Sue would be sent back to her world, or, the horror of horrors would remain.  
  
The citizens of Middle-earth could tolerate it no longer, currently it was a 'she goes or I go' situation for all.  
  
The Prince of Mirkwood, Legolas, wants a divorce, Thranduil and Aragorn want their kingdoms back, Elrond wants his respect and honor restored, the Nazgul are tired of hearing 'I though 'she' destroyed you,' Gollum wants to get out of counseling, and the list of problems go on and on....  
  
All is still as everyone waits for court, the grass upon the earth does not sway, the leaves upon the trees do not rustle, the birds do not sing, and the wind does not blow as all upon Arda wait. The Lord of the Rings Mary- Sue Rebellion begins.  
  
  
  
The Lord of the Rings Mary-Sue Rebellion  
  
  
  
Everyone sat in silence as they waited for the Judge of the case. It was a fairly simple one of course, the case would determine whether Mary-Sue would be sent back to her own world, of which all sensible and insensible citizens of Middle-earth hoped she would.  
  
The Judge finally entered the room, and all arose as the Bailiff called out "all rise, all rise, Middle-earth Intergalactic Court is now in session, the Honorary Judge J. Judge presiding. Hearing the case of Middle-earth citizens vs. Mary-Sue." The Judge banged his gavel, and all present sat.  
  
  
  
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It had all began simply enough, depending upon how one wished to view it. This girl, who is now known as Mary-Sue since none could discover her name (she seemed to have so many), had dropped into Middle-earth by some form of bizarre means that no one could begin to understand. So they simply said that she went through a gate or portal.  
  
Mary-Sue (was her name Kar..no, Kaliwenia, no not that either) had fallen into Middle-earth, attended the Council of Elrond, joined the Fellowship, and then fell in love with Legolas, just to sum it all up in short. Did I mention that she also destroyed (killed) all of the Nazgul, which strangely enough Eowyn had killed one, could resist the Ring and was unaffected by its power, was the tenth member of the Fellowship (eleventh if you count Bill), was outstandingly beautiful with her blue (or was it violet, or grey, or green, or....) eyes, silver (golden, reddish, or....okay, I give up) colored hair, and her amazingly perfect form. There were also a whole lot of other qualities that escape my mind at the moment.  
  
Well, all was well in the beginning (beginning meaning the first five seconds, or first second), Mary-Sue (is her name Sar..no wait, I got it! No, not that either) dropped into Middle-earth and was accepted by the kind- hearted (too kind, as the citizens of Middle-earth now say) Elves of Rivendell, who did not receive the respect they deserve. She, though she did not say out loud but everyone knew, thought that because of her 'oh melodious voice' the stars shone the brightest upon Rivendell, clearly ignoring the fact that the stars always shine brightly upon the Valley.  
  
Passing that fact, did I mention that she had outstanding powers? And that she could read minds, surpassing Galadriel's skill in this matter, and even the Ainur (a crime). Oh yes, she had these outstanding powers, powers that could rival (or surpass as she so claims) Sauron's, also ignoring the fact that there existed (and still does..in the Void) Morgoth, who is mightier than Sauron. Also ignoring that fact that Manwe, Varda, Mandos, Ulmo, and the rest of the Valar and Maiar existed. Can't ignore Iluvatar, oh no, one mustn't forget Iluvatar, lest his wrath fall upon you, which strangely enough, Mary-Sue (her name is Arw..Aly..no, ARGH why can't I figure it out!) has avoided. How? I do not know, but my own (personal) guess is that Iluvatar (or Mandos) will personally judge her, for the punishment must fit the crime.  
  
After Sauron was defeated, she and Legolas wed, and had two children. Thranduil had not met Mary-Sue (still trying to figure out name, must make goal to figure out name) until the wedding, of which he was not sure if he wanted this union to happen, since Mary-Sue (still thinking) is mortal. Oh wait, *was* mortal, because for some reason she had gained immortality, of which the reasons, I deem, are preposterous (I won't name them, all possibly imagined ways have been done, no matter how clichéd).  
  
Anyways, as you can tell, I have strayed far from the original meant topic. The information above is background information for one to begin to understand, though I am quite sure that many know what I mean, for many if not all, have been cursed by Mary-Sue (..), if you have not, many of us (or probably just me) envy your luck, for you have been blessed. But again, I have strayed from the original purpose. Now as to how the Rebellion began. And since I cannot figure (or decided upon) what Mary-Sue's name is, her name will simply be Mary-Sue in the next sections.  
  
(To be continued)  
  
  
  
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Read "Mary Sue's Ugly Divorce" by The Evil Old Woman, it's a wonderful fic about Mary-Sue's divorce with Legolas. I will continue this, since I think it would be too long if I connected all of it with the opinions of the residents of Middle-earth and Valinor.  
  
There are/will be some similarities to The Evil Old Woman's work of fiction (she is a wonderful author by the way)  
  
No accents because I don't know how to do them.  
  
Next chapter will probably come up in next week (or two weeks, or next month). School is evil, after school is even worse (believe it or not)  
  
Feedback and ideas for this fic are very much appreciated. My muse likes taking vacations. 


	2. House of Elrond

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Tolkien owns, and I'm not making any profit off of this  
  
Mary-Sue belongs to the Mary-Sue writers  
  
Author's Note: I updated on time, Yay! Reviews, joy!  
  
I'm sorry if I abused Tolkien's characters, and I have tried to stick to Canon as closely as possible.  
  
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The Lord of the Rings Mary-Sue Rebellion  
  
Part 1 -The House of Elrond  
  
  
  
Year 3021 of the Third Age, 1421 S.R. --- Middle-earth  
  
Year ??? ??? ??? ---Intergalactic Area (Void, Space)  
  
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The residents of Arda gathered at the Intergalactic Area, including the Ainur, Men, and Elves of old.  
  
All had come for the exact same purpose, to get rid of Mary-Sue (not kill, for some peculiar reason it was not permitted).  
  
"So, why did you allow her to enter Rivendell?" Radagast the Brown asked those of the House of Elrond.  
  
"Simply put, we did not know how evil she was," Elrond answered, sadly. The rest of the House of Elrond simply nodded in agreement.  
  
Radagast gave them a sympathetic look, grateful that he had not met Mary- Sue and had only heard of her seemingly good and bad reputation (how one has a good and bad reputation, he could not understand). "Rumor has it that she had said you treated her nicely during her stay, or so I thought," Radagast was getting more and more confused by the minute of all the going ons.  
  
"Rumors," Elladan began.  
  
"Are not facts," Elrohir continued, "and opinions.."  
  
"Are not facts," Elladan picked off, "and her word.."  
  
"Is not to be trusted in entirety," Elrohir ended.  
  
The twins looked at each other, both knowing themselves extremely lucky to have not been in Rivendell during the majority of Mary- Sue's stay. But even during that short period of time, it was a terror.  
  
"But were we kind to her?" Glorfindel suddenly asked.  
  
"First five seconds," Erestor answered, "don't you remember?"  
  
"Oh yes, her eye color was.." Glorfindel struggled to find the correct words.  
  
"Exquisite?" Lindir too tried to find a word that would fit Mary-Sue's eye color.  
  
"Queer," Elrond added helpfully.  
  
"Iridescent," Erestor seemed to find the word they were searching for. Iridescent certainly matched Mary-Sue's eye color, which could be blue one moment and violet grey the next, then some other bizarre color. It was quite queer, as Elrond had suggested.  
  
"The same goes for her hair color," Elrond said as he thought back to Mary- Sue's appearance.  
  
"Oh," Radagast exclaimed, suddenly beginning to understand the horror of Mary-Sue, even though it was just her eye and hair color. What kind of creature would have such a colorful appearance?  
  
"She complained," Elladan began.  
  
"A lot," Elrohir and Elladan had monotonous expressions on their fair faces.  
  
Radagast looked at the Sons of Elrond, and asked, "do they always do that?"  
  
  
  
"When they can," Glorfindel answered.  
  
"Or when they are upset or distressed," Erestor added, "like now."  
  
"But they are correct in her complaints," Lindir piped up.  
  
"She had many complaints about the Council," Elrond told Radagast.  
  
"Oh yes," Erestor's eyebrow began to twitch, "she never seemed to stop complaining in our presence."  
  
"It got quite annoying," Glorfindel's brow furrowed. Apparently the two advisors of Elrond shared similar traits, even in habits.  
  
"That was not the only thing she complained about," Lindir was the minstrel of Rivendell. "She complained about our music too," this caused Radagast to raise a brow in shock.  
  
"Yes, she said 'oh sure Elvish music is beautiful, but you got to ditch that miserable tune,'" Lindir said. He knew, for he was the one she most often complained to about the music. Over time, he had learned how to avoid her, to his benefit.  
  
"Was she speaking in code?" Radagast asked, baffled at the language that Lindir had quoted.  
  
Lindir seemed to think a moment, "I honestly do not know. She may have the unwary trapped by her voice, but sooner or later her true demonic self will appear. I doubt she can even play a harp, no matter what she says about her skills as a musician."  
  
Erestor sighed, "what we experienced is, frighteningly, a small price compared to what Lord Elrond has faced."  
  
Looks of sympathy were turned to the direction to the son of Earendil. His honor was affected after he had put Mary-Sue in the Fellowship. Oh sure, in the beginning many thought that this was a brilliant idea; after all, Mary- Sue had defeated the Dark Lord. But as soon as more got to know her, they wondered at Elrond's choice. Not knowing that the main reason he had sent her on the journey was to get rid of her, Mary-Sue did not know this, of course.  
  
"Sauron was destroyed, and we were rid of her presence. That is the favorable outcome, we should not dwell on the bad," Elrond shuddered as he remembered Mary-Sue's time in the land of his rule.  
  
Radagast placed a comforting hand on Elrond's shoulder, and the Elf lord smiled, showing his thanks.  
  
  
  
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Well, if you are quite baffled by the House of Rivendell's behavior, I think the following explanation should help a bit.  
  
Rivendell was the first place Mary-Sue (her name has a lot of vowels, that I remember) had entered in Middle-earth, and the residents were also the first to understand the horror and terror that had come with this 'girl from another world.' We feel sympathy towards them, and we should be grateful that we have not suffered as much as they have. But back to what had happened.  
  
As I have stated before, Mary-Sue (...a very bizarre name that she has, that I know) 'dropped' into Middle-earth. She had appeared near the Ford of Bruinen, of which was simply called 'the ford' in most of the pieces of writing found that include Mary-Sue.  
  
Well, after Mary-Sue had suddenly become lost in this strange and fantastical world, she crossed the ford and was then upon the rich soil of Rivendell, and the nightingales sang of her beauty, of her flowing grace, and of all that revolved around her.  
  
Her beauty was beyond compare, surpassing the beauty of the Lady Galadriel and the daughter of her daughter, the Lady Arwen, of whose father is Lord Elrond, a descendant of Melian and Luthien. Skin milky white, pale as the young moon, and giving a glow as the light of the stars in heaven touched her. Her face was perfectly formed, slender yet round, there was only her with this amazing face. We shall ignore (not literally) the Lady Varda, Elbereth, for the time being, for her beauty should outshine all others (until that curse came along).  
  
Grace followed her wherever she stepped, be it between rock and stone, water and shore. She walked as if in a dance, her steps flowed as if the soft waters of the river. All she did was humanely impossible, oh but wait, she neither was nor is entirely human. And I shall stop before I bore myself into oblivion by describing her beauty, I figure that I will never discover as to how those people describe her in that many sentences.  
  
But, again I have strayed far from my original intent. Coming into the fair valley Imladris, Mary-Sue found a small glade, with a small waterfall. The pure water that cascaded down the piled rocks made a melody backing Mary- Sue's oh so melodious voice. Causing Legolas, on an errand for his father, to wander to that charming voice, therefore finding Mary-Sue singing.  
  
He fell in love at first sight, entranced by her song, Legolas acted as one enchanted (oh dear, isn't there a large hole just around the corner, you had better be careful.)  
  
Mary-Sue noticed his presence, she then fled, her agility bringing her far. She ran as the deer, she flew with the wind.  
  
Then, she came upon the House of Elrond. Accepted graciously be a young servant, a naïve one at that, and she was brought before the Lord Elrond.  
  
When Mary-Sue entered the room, Elrond saw a beautiful girl with sparkling blue eyes and reddish blonde hair. At closer look Elrond noticed that this was a mortal girl, no older than seventeen, and she had Elven beauty, he also noticed that, strangely, the girl's hair eye color had changed. He at first thought that it was the lighting, but he would not discover the truth until later.  
  
Allowing her to stay, for Imladris was not given the name 'The Last Homely Home east of Lindon' for no reason of cause. Though Elrond would later regret this choice.  
  
Mary-Sue told Elrond that her name (now back to the names, uhhh..) was (you understand my frustration at the moment).  
  
Glorfindel and Erestor had greeted her in a kindly manner, but it was quite short, for her changing eye and hair color confused them.  
  
Well, things became quite different from then on, of which I shall not record at the current time being, but will possibly be mentioned on a later date.  
  
  
  
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A/N- If the story seems a bit repetitive at times, that was intentional, so that one gets the idea of how some Sues are written. Always talking about her beauty...  
  
Not very humorous, I need ideas... And there were also too many parentheses (I think)  
  
Feedback is much appreciated, and ideas are very helpful. 


	3. Heritage Discussed by Some Significant O...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Tolkien owns and I'm not making any money off of this  
  
Mary-Sue belongs to the Mary-Sue writers.  
  
Author's Note: Characters of the Silmarillion will be in this fic.  
  
To lee: Thanks for reminding me about the language, I almost forgot about that detail...  
  
  
  
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The Lord of the Rings Mary-Sue Rebellion  
  
Part 2 -Heritage Discussed by Some Significant Others  
  
  
  
Year 3021 of the Third Age, 1421 S.R. --- Middle-earth  
  
Year ??? ??? ??? ---Intergalactic Area (Void, Space)  
  
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Bilbo sighed and leaned heavily against the trunk of a tree. He took out his pipe, filled it with weed, lit it, and began smoking. "Finally," Bilbo thought to himself, he could enjoy his pipe in peace. While Mary-Sue was in Rivendell, she had always complained about him smoking. The weary hobbit sighed again, and decided to rest, to expel the thoughts of that confusion out of his tired mind.  
  
Sensing another presence beside him, Bilbo's eyes snapped open and he turned to identify the newcomer. Seeing the High King Gil-galad, Bilbo rushed to his feet, but a firm hand on his shoulder stayed him.  
  
"We are equals here," the voice of the High King of the Elves said to him.  
  
The stunned hobbit just nodded, still uncomfortable in the presence of the Elven King. Bilbo had met him before, upon Tol Eressëa, where he had come at times to greet the coming Elves.  
  
"You needn't be so uncomfortable in my presence, Bilbo," Gil-galad told the hobbit.  
  
"Of course," Bilbo answered in a timid voice.  
  
"But, you have faced an apparent terror, rumor says a terror even more of Sauron, and even Morgoth," the soft grey eyes of the King turned to face the hobbit.  
  
"Ah, yes, Mary-Sue," Bilbo tried not to shudder.  
  
"I have heard many disturbing and bizarre rumors of...her," Gil-galad did not know if it would be fitting if he had said 'creature' or even 'it.'  
  
"There are many, as you say it, bizarre rumors. But tell me, which ones have you chanced upon?"  
  
"Rumors of her...." Gil-galad gulped, "her heritage."  
  
"Oh, yes. Her heritage," Bilbo seemed a bit uneasy. There were many tales of Mary-Sue's heritage, and it got quite confusing. Once you thought it was this, and then you hear otherwise. Oh, the terror.  
  
"So what did you hear, good King?"  
  
"Alas! Bilbo, perhaps we should speak of it another time," Cìrdan the Shipwright called aloud. Following him were Glorfindel and Erestor.  
  
Bilbo blinked in slight confusion, and until he heard Gil-galad's next words would he understand.  
  
"There have been rumors that that 'thing' is my daughter," Gil-galad said.  
  
Cìrdan, Glorfindel, and Erestor nodded. "That is but one of the rumors," Glorfindel provided.  
  
"One of the many preposterous tales," Erestor said. "There is also a rumor that Mary-Sue is the child of Sauron and Galadriel."  
  
Bilbo raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh yes," Glorfindel stated, "she also claims to be part....unicorn." The word was strange and unfamiliar to the Elves and Hobbit.  
  
"Unicorn?" Bilbo tried to pronounce, the word sounding strange upon his tongue.  
  
"Yes, I believe a horse with a horn protruding from its forehead" Erestor answered.  
  
"It is said that it is an English word," Cìrdan shrugged, "what that is, I know not."  
  
"Wait. English, that is not a language we have upon Arda." Gil-galad turned to Cìrdan. The keeper of the Grey Havens nodded in confirmation. "So how did you understand what she had to say? Or did she know a tongue familiar to us?"  
  
"It was Elrond that had discovered what she had said. For he tells me that Vilya helped him see." Glorfindel and the rest there had known Elrond was the keeper of Vilya, and for some reason unknown, Mary-Sue had known also.  
  
"How were you able to understand her though? And how did she learn the Common Tongue and Sindarin?" It took an average man, or Elf, or any other race of Middle-earth at least a year to master either language. But Mary- Sue did not have that time, and Gil-galad wondered.  
  
"She mastered Westron, Sindarin, and Quenya within the matter of days. Of which I am still shocked," was Erestor's swift reply.  
  
"Did you know that there is also a rumor that 'She' is the child of Elrond and an unknown other," Cìrdan supplied.  
  
"What?!" Gil-galad asked. If only looks can kill, and if only Mary-Sue was in his presence, but for the latter half, the High King should be spared of that terror.  
  
"All reasonable and unreasonable peoples have expediently refused to accept that rumor," Erestor assuaged Fingon's son, before he did something rash. Ereinion was always protective of the sons Eärendil, from their youth to their adulthood, he had always cared for them.  
  
"I have heard one rumor stating that she is Aragorn's cousin," Glorfindel said as he put his hand under his chin, "or was she his twin? Well, I can not be too far off, considering all of those relations."  
  
"Quite true," Bilbo piped up. "I have even heard that she is half hobbit and half elf! How peculiar can that be?" Bilbo said indignantly, not liking that 'that creature' should be of hobbit kind.  
  
"Hmmm.... she is much too tall to be even part hobbit," Erestor said as he looked down at Bilbo, who was currently smoking in peace.  
  
"I have even heard that she is the Queen of all the Elves, and of all the races of Middle-earth." Cìrdan said sadly. Erestor, Glorfindel, Gil-galad, and Bilbo just stared, horrified at that thought.  
  
  
  
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Ah yes, to continue where I had left off. When Mary-Sue had introduced herself to Elrond, she had spoken in a tongue unfamiliar to the Elves. At first, all within the room were quiet confused. But then, Mary-Sue began to speak in this strange way, and then everyone understood what she had to say for a while. She apparently had power, magical and powerful powers. Elrond was the first to discover the horror she truly was, but sadly it took some others to discover this too. Erestor, Glorfindel, and Lindir discovered it next, then Elladan and Elrohir.  
  
But before her true form was revealed, she was adored, of which now many citizens of Middle-earth regret. Except Sauron, the Wargs, the Orcs, and other minions of the Dark Lord, for they never liked her. Which is very interesting since those pieces of writings I discovered said that all liked Mary-Sue, peculiar.  
  
But anyways, after the introductions Elrond had accepted her and she was led to a room. It did not take much time for Elrond to discover that she was from another world, for Vilya, Ring of Air, had revealed that to him her origins. She had come from another world, but her heritage was all but clear. When Elrond had used Vilya, the Ring had told him that she was the child of Galadriel and Sauron, then it told him that she was half elf half fairy, then it told him that she was part unicorn, then it told her that she was Gil-galad's daughter, then it told him that she was Aragorn's sister, then it told him that It was his own daughter, and then it......(you get the idea).  
  
Mary-Sue taught herself Westron, Sindarin, Quenya, Rohirric, The Dark Tongue, and all the other languages of Middle-earth in a matter of a week. She learned all of the history of Middle-earth beginning from the First Age in a day, we shall simply ignore the Time of the Two Trees of Valinor and the Timeless.  
  
No one could figure out her true heritage, and when they asked they kept getting different replies. In the beginning she was....adored by all, except the Dark Forces of course. But things changed, dramatically. All now try to avoid her, if they meet Mary-Sue they simply treat her kindly. For they did not want to lose their hearing due to fact that during the Fellowship, Mary-Sue had mourned and her voice was carried throughout Middle-earth. Note that I put Middle-earth and not Arda, so those living In Valinor were terribly lucky, except for Manwë and Varda. The poor Ainur. Not even the Fëanturi could determine her whereabouts.....  
  
  
  
  
  
To Be Continued....  
  
  
  
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A/N: A very kind soul gave me a list of how to do accents (thanks!). This was slightly late due to the amounts of Homework I'm getting. It is evil yes it is.  
  
Feedback and new ideas are truly appreciated. 


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